After his little brother Jeffrey died, Stephen became an
only child again, which wasn’t in the blueprint of our family. Steve was in first grade when I was born, so
there are about
6 ½ years between us.
I don’t think he planned on having a sister either and I assume he would
have liked another buddy to play with, but again, so many unplanned events
brought us together as family. As most
little sisters, I worshipped my big brother and tried to emulate him in every
way. By the time I was old enough to
have a sense of my self, he was mostly out the house. In fact, when I was 14, he brought home his
wife-to-be, Marilyn, who was to become my sister-in-law and best friend. I remember feeling so upset that I would be
losing my sibling to another girl, yet Stephen reminded me that he would always
love me and that I would always be his sister. His words have stayed with me my
entire life and I know he feels this way today.
Today, while we do not share many of the same interests (his
are business, golf and sports and red wine while mine are teaching, reading and
writing and white wine), we share our family history and our current
families. We are as close as a brother
and sister can be, with our age difference unimportant at this stage in our
lives. We share the legacy of memories
that define our family of origin and our personalities. My brother got to spend more time with my
parents by virtue of his age, but I can remember no sibling rivalry between us
even when I perceived that he was the favored child by our mother. I was
relieved for him that he didn’t have to feel less than in this way. He was always loving and caring to our mother
no matter what, a quality that I respect in him as a man and as a child. He is strong in areas that I am weak and I so
respect the part of him that worries less about what people think than the part
of me that still cares.
If I needed my brother, he would be on the next plane, which
is really all I need to know. His
children feel like my own and I would assume that mine feel like his. When my three boys were little, my husband
and I asked Steve and Marilyn to be their guardians should anything happen to
us. Of course they immediately agreed,
but my brother in his joking way also added, “Just stay healthy, Barbara.” I knew what he meant and we both
laughed. I guess that is one of the
elements of our relationship that I love most.
We don’t have to say much or even talk every day. I know how he feels without him telling me
and I know how much he loves me and cares for me without such words.
My brother has given me his wife and his children, who I
love so very much, but he has given me the gift of his friendship and devotion,
which I am so fortunate to have. We are
the only two people in the world who share memory banks that reflect our origins:
family dinners, babysitters, vacations, grief, and joy.
